Almost two weeks have passed since I graduated from my course and posted to my new unit. There are some things that I really feel like expressing yet I'm afraid some might happen to read my blog and... Whatever it is, perhaps I should keep my inner feelings to only myself... Anyway, it's not something good/worth reminisce in the future...
I've been thinking these days how can I enrich my life. I feel that my life doesn't have a purpose. I've lost my drives ever since... erm... I entered the army? I really don’t have anything to look forward to except TV programmes/drama serial at night, where I can sit down with my family to watch together, or weekend outings with my ex-course mates and MOOO Club peeps. Do you mean that is life? It isn’t. I can say honestly that it isn’t. I can say that basically I’m not doing many things in the daytime, while I’m working. Nothing much assigned to me. I just feel that my time are plentiful and I’m wasting every second of it as the clock ticks. Though I’ve so much free time to read my book and do my own stuff. Oh, by the way, I’m currently reading “The Ugly Duckling Goes to Work: Wisdom for the Workplace from the Classic Tales of Hans Christian Anderson / Mette Norgaard”. It’s quite a good book to catch. Not only tailored for improvement in the workplace, but I think that for life as a whole as well. Perhaps I shall share more about this book in my next entry.
I’ve so much time but I don’t know how to use it wisely. There are so many things that I wanna learn. I know it. But why don’t I carry them out. Join classes and learn? I’d always say that when I settled down in my new unit then I’ll join them. Are these my excuses? It isn’t. I really hope and want to join classes and learn what I’d always wanna. Vocal, dance, keyboard, piano, yoga, pilates, Japanese and French languages… And to improve my written and spoken languages. English, Chinese and Cantonese…
I really hope to contribute back to the society next time. Or even now! Do more humanitarian work. To be able to spend my time wisely/usefully. On the other hand, I’m a person who needs a lot of personal time everyday. To think back what I did for the day, rest, day-dream, write down my feelings (like now!), stare blankly… All in all, I just wanna create value yet also have my personal time. That’s all! That simple! Yet it seems so near yet so far.
However, this year is quite a "happening" year for me. The passing away of my maternal grandma makes me extremely sad. I can say that I’ve never been so sad before… Devastating. Depress. I was like a walking corpse in daylight. Expressionless. Emotionless. Except being sad and depressed, there were other issues then, other than that…
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