Counting down

546 days left...

I just can't wait to count down...

Life is terrible... Here, there, everywhere... Argh! Why are there so many challenges? Anyone can help? Any kind soul? I know of one but not providing any and is no where to be seen!

I'm strong enough! Please tell myself that I'm strong enough! I can overcome all these! Argh! I can! No more tears and sleepless nights? I hope so... Self-help...

And the following guidance is so so suitable...

Youth should not seek an easy comfortable path. No one develops in a pampered environment. Youth should instead actively seek out challenges and hardships, transforming them all into valuable assets as they strive to become individuals of outstanding character and ability.

Non-sens

Those who should have stayed, left.

Those who should have left long ago, remains.

What a world so uncontrollable by ourselves.

What a life but only slave of Fate.

Viewing events and situations in a positive light is important. The strength, wisdom and cheerfulness that accompany such an attitude lead to happiness. To regard everything in a positive light or with a spirit of goodwill, however, does not mean being foolishly gullible and allowing people to take advantage of our good nature. It means having the wisdom and perception to actually move things in a positive direction by seeing things in their best light, while all the time keeping our eyes firmly focused on reality.

Happy Chinese New Year

A Chinese New Year comic link: http://www.sgdanielwang.com/comic3/

And wishing everyone a Happy & Prosperous Chinese New Year! =)

Anniversaire

Yes! It's my 21st birthday today! I'm home blogging now. But so what 21st? Nothing is happening I feel. Not that no one wanna celebrate for me, but rather I don't have any mood to celebrate for myself. Seriously no mood at all for the past few days. However, somehow, I think my course mates are really making too many silly actions and jokes that continuously bombard me until I finally start to show some smiles. But still it's very hard to forget some events that happened lately. It's hard. However, I'll advance for the better. Cherishing some hopes afterall.

And here are the blessings I received today: -

Eric: Happy Birthday to my dear friend. May your wishes come true. Enjoy your day. Take care. All the best. (12:00:40am)

Hmm... Quite unexpected...

Emily: Yoz buddy = Hehe... Again older 1 year liaoz! Happy birthday wor! All the best in whatever you do! Enjoy your day and play hard coz 21st birthday only once in a lifetime! Ha! (12:05:11am)

I was thinking, which birthday isn't once in a lifetime? Haha! =P

Xiao Hui Ling: Yo... Happy 21st birthday... Though many unhappy events have happened... But now adult le... Must continue to advance yeah... See you soon (01:03:38am)

What's unhappy events gonna do with bring an adult and continue advancing?

Boon Han: Hello! Wishing you a very happy birthday! Enjoy your day in camp!! =) May all your wishes come true! (07:19:49am)

That's bad! How to ENJOY IN CAMP?!

Shi Hui: Happy birthday Brother. May your each day fill with happiness. And stay healthy always. And all your wishes come true. (07:45:49am)

And so many "ands"? Haha! =P

Joyce: Hey Mr... Happy birthday LOL...! ;-) (09:21:02am)

Straight to the point. Good! Haha! =)

Xin Hui: Happy 21st birthday! Sorry. Fail to give you a memorable one again... Hope you have a happy and wonderful birthday at your camp. See you next Saturday okay... The Saturday after New Year. (11:38:56am)

Never mind. You always fail to, this isn't your first time. I've no mood to celebrate either! Haha! AGAIN?! How to have one happy and wonderful birthday in camp?! LOL! =D

Selwyn: Happy 21st Birthday! :) (11:52:33am)

A short and sweet one from Sexy Babe! =P

Rui Hua: Yoz! Happy 21st Birthday! May all your dreams come true on this special day. Stay young and happy :D (01:55:50pm)

Dreams to come true only on today? So after today the blessing will stop working? I think so... Lame! I'm still young, though not quite happy...

Wai Leng: Hei! ^-^ Sheng Ri Kuai Le~! (02:13:01pm)

First Chinese SMS I received! You Xin Le. =D

Cai Feng: Happy happy 21st birthday... Heheee... May all your wishes come true... Put all the unhappiness behind and start fresh Ba... Heheee... Jia You... Jia You... Take care... (",) (02:47:51pm)

Ain't too many "..."? Haha! And evil laughters "heheee".

Sharon: Congratulations. You have stepped into adulthood Le. Must be more brave when in face with sadness or obstacles. Please Jia You in your future endeavour. Take care. (04:43:21pm)

I'm brave to face sadness and obstacles. Just that I don't like the reason that caused the problem and so I choose not to face it the way most people does.

Yi Heng: Happy birthday! (04:51:51pm)

Wei Lun: Hey brother, happy birthday to you! All the best and hope you have a pleasant birthday. Hope to see you soon. =) (05:01:55pm)

Alvin: Yo... Happy birthday to you... Full grown adult... Haha! (05:45:16pm)

Hmm... Don't know why I find "full grown adult" being weird. Meaning before 21 not full grown? LOL! =P

Song Heng: Happy Birthday! brother. May you grow stronger in faith as you grow older. Take care! (06:36:43pm)

Hmm... May I... May I...

Katherine: Happy 21st Birthday... May all your wishes come true... =) (07:03:18pm)

Mother: Hi, Happy Birthday to you. When will you be back? (07:35:27pm)

This SMS tells something...

Yue Ling: Wishes from me to you... Have a bright year ahead! (08:13:34pm)

Wah seh! Something new that I've received. =)

Da Hui Ling: Happy 21st Birthday!! Hesitate whether to wish you or not. But hereby wish that all your wishes come true. Young adult loh. Welcome to adulthood!! :> Keke. Take care... ^.^ (08:31:12pm)

Wei Liang: Happy 21st birthday to you... :) May your faith grow yearly too... Take care... (09:16:51pm)

Ee Mei: Hey... Happy 21st birthday!!! ;p I didn't forget horxx... Ha! Well... Hope that this coming year will be a fruitful de... Hmm... All the best in whatever you do ehx... Take great care in camp k... Sleep well neat well... LOL... Miss me also horxx!! Ha... Nitez! (10:57:00pm)

The very last SMS! Tada! =D

Just wanna say, thanks to all for the greetings! I really appreciate! =)

Le passé

《天黑黑》

词: 廖莹如 April
曲: 李偲菘

我的小时候 吵闹任性时侯
我的外婆 总会唱歌哄我
夏天的午后 老老的歌安慰我
那首歌 好象这样唱的
天黑黑 欲落雨
天黑黑 黑黑

离开小时候 有了自己的生活
新鲜的歌 新鲜的念头
任性和冲动 无法控制的时候
我忘记 还有这样的歌
天黑黑 欲落雨
天黑黑 黑黑

我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人
我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞 被误解被骗
是否成人的世界背后 总有残缺
我走在每天必须面对的分岔路
我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
爱总是让人哭 让人觉得不满足
天空很大却看不清楚 好孤独

天黑的时候 我又想起那首歌
突然期待 下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理 早就唱给我听
下起雨 也要勇敢前进
我相信 一切都会平息
我现在 好想回家去
天黑黑 欲落雨
天黑黑 黑黑


This song somehow depicts my feelings...

Grandma used to sing me songs when she bathes me
《月光光》, 《虫虫飞》, 《鹅或鸭》,

Growing up, I lead my own life, go to new environments, meet new people
Childhood memories no longer stay as vivid as time passes
And I tend to forget some of them
It's hard to love someone
The person might be the right one, however, Fate doesn't agree
The world is ever-changing
Truths, true feelings, genuine smiles are all hidden
I miss those simple life I had in the past
It hurts to love someone who doesn't love you
It's merely self-satisfaction and not love
I've yet venture enough to fully understand this world


Grandma used to sing me this song when I was young...

《鹅或鸭》

鹅仔, 鹅孙, 鹅或鸭
鸭仔, 鸭孙, 鸭或鹅
鹅或鸭, 鸭或鹅

《月光光》

月光光，照地塘；
年卅晚，摘槟榔；
槟榔香，摘子姜；
子姜辣，买菩达；
菩达苦，买猪肚；
猪肚肥，买牛皮；
牛皮薄，买菱角；
菱角尖，买马鞭；
马鞭长，起屋樑；
屋樑高，买张刀；
刀切菜，买箩蓋；
箩蓋圆，买只船；
船沉底，浸死两个番鬼仔，一个蒲頭，一个沉底。

She's gone...

Just 2 days and things have changed... My Grandmother just passed away on Monday. Was my dream a premonition?

I'm sad and I'm truly very sad... I've never feel so indebted to someone in my life. I've owed her too much and I've yet to repay her. Memories of us together flashes in my mind every now and then... I'm missing her so much... She had left too early...

You are all emissaries of the Buddha. Whatever your situation or circumstances, you have a mission. You will attain happiness without fail. I hope that, no matter what obstacles you face, you will continue to advance calmly, enjoying everything you encounter in life.

How can I enjoy?

Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'll be leaving for training so will be staying at somewhere else... And would not be blogging other than on weekends. I'll miss you, blog! Haha!

I find the following from "SGI President Ikeda's Daily Encouragement", something that Gakkai members have to take note and to continuously encourage one another.

Doing gongyo every day is a challenge. Introducing others to the practice is a challenge. Getting people to subscribe to our organ paper is a challenge. Attending meetings is a challenge. Sometimes it can all become too much and leave one feeling negative and wanting to take a break! Since we are human beings, it's only natural that we might feel this way on occasion. The important thing, however, is not to spin out of the orbit of faith. I hope you will continue to pursue the path of Buddhahood steadily and patiently, encouraging one another on your journey.

And this is more true...

A true struggle means making strenuous, painstaking efforts behind the scenes, always being the first to take action on all fronts, always thinking ahead and being well prepared in advance, in order to open a sure path to victory.

That's all! =)

Cute Animal Quiz

You Are A: Chipmunk!

Everyone adores these cute woodland animals, known for the stripe that runs down their back. Famously timid, chipmunks will quickly scurry to the safety of their burrows if danger approaches. As a chipmunk, you eat mostly seeds and nuts, but you may sample bird eggs and insects from time to time.

You were almost a: Turtle or a Puppy
You are least like a: Duck or a MonkeyCute Animals Test

Grand-mère

I dreamt of my grandmother last night. I dreamt that she has fully recovered from her illness and is able to live like she did last time. I was so happy!

However, it was only a dream. Reality is, it is very hard for her to return back to the healthy, normal state that she used to be. Almost impossible. (I'm cherishing hope. That's why I wrote "almost".) She is bed-ridden now and is having senile. Sad to say, I guess she has forgotten about me. She only remember my grandfather. Isn't it sad?

She used to bring me to Chinatown to shop for things when I was very young. She'd always remember my birthday and all other Chinese festivals where she'd give my siblings and I red packets. When we used to visit her at her apartment, she'd cook lots of dishes to serve us. It's the effort she made that makes me cherish her so much.

The second last time when I visited her at a private hospital, she was still okay. She was still concious of what she was doing but was feeling quite depressed. That was during my training period. A few weeks ago, when I visited her at her house, she aged so much and she looked so weak. I didn't expect to she her in this state.

I wasn't able to accompany her when she needed me to be there for her. What she needed was just some care and concern. When she feels love, she'll naturally cherish hope and think positively. Which I think would help to improve her condition. However, all these didn't happen. I'd blame it partly on myself and some other people which I wouldn't want to mention here. Haiz... Life is really unpredictable.

Anyway, may things get better... I'm tired to write anymore...

Life passes by in an instant, which is why it is so important for us to keep striving and challenging ourselves.

Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz

	Friend Bear You are everyone's ideal friend because you are sincere and genuinely kind. Sometimes you worry about your friends' problems so much, you forget about your own responsibilities, which can get you into trouble. For you, it's the little things that really count. You also happen to be the main driver of the Cloud Car. No speeding!
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

顺其自然

I just wanna write something simple.

No matter what happen in life, we can choose to continue living our life, or not. It's a choice. A hopeful person would perhaps choose to live, in hope of better things coming on the way.

However, is it a choice of a person to live happily or not? A person can affect his environment and the people around him, vice versa. Therefore, it's not solely a person's choice to live happily if the environment and the people around him doesn't affect him positively. However, he can always try his best to be always happy.

I just wanna express that, sometimes certain things are beyond a person's control. When something happens, he will accept the fact and continue to move on. That is a normal person's thinking. I'm abnormal. I'll think why can't I change the current situation to the one I want and then move on. It's just like flipping a coin to the side I want instead of the other.

Is that being "stubborn"? Unwilling to compromise? While I can say I'm choosing to continue living and to lead a happy life of mine! Is that being greedy? It's just a simple wish.

I don't mind viewing it as a bad start for the year and continue thinking it for the rest of the year and continue to be unhappy. I'm alright with it since I'm already in it. I can even choose to affect others with my thinking, if I'm bad enough to.

Enough said. A rather good piece of news! I'm allowing myself to accept what I'm currently in, without thinking of changing the situation. The blabbering in my blog yesterday is effective! I was thinking in the morning to be Shun4 Qi2 Zi4 Ran2. Whatever things that are thrown to me I'll try to catch it. If unable to catch them, I'll pick them up on the floor. I've choose to cherish hope and try to be happy everyday.

May things get better and better... It will I guess... =)

Change

To exist is to change, to change is to mature,

to mature is to go on creating onself endlessly.

A life lived without purpose or value, the kind in which one doesn't know the reason why one was born, is joyless and lacklustre. To just live, eat and die without any real sense of purpose surely represents a life pervaded by the world of Animality. On the other hand, to do, create or contribute something that benefits others, society and ourselves and to dedicate ourselves as long as we live to that challenge-that is a life of true satisfaction, a life of value. It is a humanistic and lofty way to live.

Aimless life

Why is my life so aimless now? I thought this year I can plan to attend some enrichment class if I get 8am - 5pm job. Too bad I didn't get. And it makes me so aimless now. No place to head to. I'm not setting any resolution for myself this year because of this.

I'm trying to analyse why I'm feeling so sad these days. There must be a reason for me to feel sad. So I'm trying to understand myself. It may sound funny to some, but don't be surprise that you are also a person who don't understand yourself well enough.

I guess partly is due to my job. That alone forms the main reason out of my findings. I find that I'm leading a life which I don't like now. Totally don't like, but is force to accept. No choice. I'm not a person who compromise easily, that is why I must find a reason to tame myself. Or else I'll keep thinking and thinking, tirelessly. I'll stress myself very much then.

And since I don't like my life now, I view everything as bleak, miserable, depressing... All the bad thinking comes... I'm an extreme person. It's either I'm in my happy/sad mood. No mixture. And when I'm happy, I get very happy, and vice versa. So I'm in a very miserable life condition now. However, I know that I'm trying to help myself. If not I won't write about my personal feelings in my blog for others to read. I won't feel like sharing at all. Not even a single thing.

Anyway, hope everything gets better and better each day...

In a passage of the "Record of the Orally Transmitted Teachings," the Daishonin observes, "When you bow to a mirror, the reflected image bows back" (Gosho Zenshu, p. 769). People who respect others are respected by others in turn. Those who are unstinting in their compassion and concern for others are also protected and supported by others. Our environment is essentially a reflection of ourselves.

Birthday

Did I heard wrongly?! Shi Hui asked me what presents I want this year, how and where to celebrate my birthday!

Thank you, my dear friend! Seriously, I'm touched by this simple question asked by you. Somehow I'm...

She's more excited to celebrate my birthday than I'm! Weird right? However, I'm not looking forward to my birthday because on the actual day, I'll be staying in the "prison". For the first time in my life, I'll be spending my birthday in "prison". So sad right? And worse still, it's on the most significant age! The age to join the Majority! Argh!

Anyway, I'm okay. I'm immune already. No feelings anymore. These days, many things are making me sad, effortlessly. Luckily I still have my friends! They are encourageous. And I'm trying to help myself too.

As votaries or practitioners of the Lotus Sutra (the Mystic Law), the more we struggle undefeated amid daunting obstacles and hardship, the more our life-force grows, the more our good fortune multiples and the more our energy increases. We can use everything as fuel to power our human revolution and transform poison into medicine, becoming stronger and more compassionate people and developing an expansive state of life.

我们在星期四, 8月19日相遇

人生总有许多巧合，两条并行线都会有交会的一天。

Le bouddhisme est raison

Buddhism is reason. It is vital therefore, that our lives and our activities in society also accord with reason. Please manifest the principle of "faith equals daily life," so that you will be trusted, respected and emulated by others. Bringing fragrant flowers of trust and humanism to bloom throughout society is one of the goals of Buddhism. To do things that others find strange and unnatural, that run counter to common sense-such actions go against the basic tenets of Buddhism and amount to slander of the Law.

Rate My Life Quiz

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.7
Mind:	4.3
Body:	4.9
Spirit:	4.6
Friends/Family:	3.7
Love:	3.3
Finance:	7.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

What's Your True Color?

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

Link: http://web.tickle.com/color/?test=colorogt

断了线

人生总有好多既意外，握系手里面既风筝都会突然断线

Réflexion...

I sent 4 SMSes this afternoon to 4 different person, who had sent me 4 different SMSes at 4 different timings on 01/01/2005.

The messages started with "Time flies... This SMS was from you on 01/01/2005:"

Shi Hui: Wishing you a better year and may you be abundantly blessed with love, joy and happiness in this coming year. May it brings you prosper and may all dreams come true. HAPPY 2005! ;)

Emily: Hey guys... It's 2005 already... Have a GREAT year ahead... Wishing you all the best in everything you do! We shall all Jia You in this year... *smiles* =)

Calvin: Happy New Year! May you and your family always bless with good health and happiness. Let's take a fresh start and move forward again and again!

John: Happy New Year! My brother, please allow me to advance along with you! We will grow and develop together and achieve a TOTAL VICTORY 2005! Me will always be there for you!:)

Three of the mentioned names replied. One didn't. I was guessing perhaps this person had changed his handphone number or something like that.

One of the replies was: -

Emily: Oh... This was from me ah? Haha! Can't really recall wor... Only the last part can recognise is my style! Heez! Anyway make the best of all you can in 2006! Shall mark new phase since we're 21 liaoz! Haha! Old le old le... =p

Hmm... One year past just like that. 2005 was considered fruitful to me. Went through and been through quite a lot. There were hardwork times and slack times. Not bad. A balance. Haha!

Anyway, I kept those messages in my handphone's inbox for more than one year! One year old messages! With the blessings from these friends, 2005 had been quite a nice year for me. I was loved and had joy and happiness (absolute ones). Prosper-ed (by a bit) and with dreams that came true. Had good health and had grew and developed much on the inside and the outside (haha! Like what?). However...

2006 isn't like that! As far as I know for now... I don't really enjoy and like it... But still, I've to survive and make do with all... No choice. This is life. Have to face it eventhough I may not want to. I can choose to escape, definitely, but I might still face similar problems in the future. So why not face them now? Face reality! The real world!

Thanks for being there friends! I cherish all of you! I won't leave anyone unless the first step is initiated by you. Please don't leave me ~ ! Let's advance together bravely and score total victory in 2006!

Wow! Sounds so optimistic and courageous! I hope so...

The real benefit of the Mystic Law is inconspicuous. Just as trees grow taller and stronger year after year, adding growth rings that are imperceptible to the human eye, we too will grow toward a victorious existence. For this reason it is important that we lead tenacious and balanced lives based on faith.

www.drawahouse.com

Based on the drawing and the 10 answers they gave this is a summary of their personality:

Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are good at making friends and when the joyful moment arrives, you make the most out of it. You are shy and reserved. If you've drawn a cross on each of windows, you always want to live alone. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends.

When it comes to love, you shut yourself off. It's difficult to win your heart because you have decided to keep your feelings deep inside. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

Rainy Day

Rainy day, rainy day.
Today is a rainy day.
Raining for the whole day.
It has been raining for the whole day.

Lonely day, lonely day.
Today is a lonely day.
Feeling lonely for the whole day.

I've been feeling lonely for the whole day.

TV day, TV day.
Today is a TV day.
Watching TV for the whole day.
I've been watching TV for the whole day.

A rainy, lonely, TV day!
Today is a rainy, lonely, TV day!
Raining, feeling lonely, watching TV for the whole day!
It has been raining, I've been feeling lonely, watching TV for the whole day!

Blah, blah, blah...

Prayer is the foundation. But at the same time if we fail to make concrete efforts, no matter how much daimoku we chant, our prayers will not be answered. Buddhism is reason. If we just chant without doing any work we cannot succeed in our jobs.

让我自由

如果我知道这是最后一次,
我愿意看着你走出那扇门。
我想再抱你一次。
如果我知道这是最后一次我听到你的名字,
我会纪录你的每个影子。
让我能珍藏。

如果我知道这是最后一次能和你共度一点点时光,
我想和你说我爱你。
而非假设你已了解。
但是, 若非如此,
我想告诉你我爱你而且我希望我们永远记得。

当我的生命结束时,
也开启了关于我们爱情的记忆。
关于欢乐,
关于悲伤。
但是我不知道。
这是我从未曾想象的。

我了解而且我生存下来了。
这是最难的, 而且我也从未做的。
时间会治疗一切。
我感谢你做的每一件事。
我多希望你在那陪伴我。
在我生命中最困难的时候,
只为我们。
你永远不知道我的感动,
以及我怎么思念你。

Lowest point in my life...

8.00pm

Reaching the lowest point in my life. I don't know why...

I just hate crowds. Even until now, I still hate it.
Couples, families, groups of friends...
Smiling, laughing, making lots of noises...
Holding hands, sides by sides, all playing together...

Argh! I'm really sad and lonely... Why did I say that?! I was also with my friends! I hope I can shout just now while walking to Marina Square to meet Sharon and Cai Feng. But I can't. People will think that I'm mad. By the way, is my life that bleak?

Then why when Wan Xiang asked me yesterday what my struggles are, I answered no problem? Am I problem-free? I was quite happy then. I even gave bright, genuine smiles during the whole meeting. Maybe when I compare my problems with the others', mine seem so small like not a problem?

Things are so not in my way these days. What I want, what I desire are not achieved. Even when I look into the mirror, I feel that I look so disgusted! Almost nothing can please me these days.

I'm praying, almost everyday.
I'm cherishing hope, though things are not in my way.
I understand that in life there are ups and downs, and that Spring will definitely come after Winter.
The principle of cause and effect.
But why am I feeling unhappy or sad almost everyday?

I'm behaving properly.
I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.
I'm trying to be happy or at least don't feel sad...
But I know deep down within myself, I still feel sad.

I'm not happy with my life! I can just cry any moment if I want to. My tears are prepared to drop anytime under my command.

And this is the second time in my life that I feel like committing suicide. I know it's wrong. I shouldn't do that or even think of that. But I just can't help to stop myself from thinking that. Why not someone kill me instead?

I'm faking smiles, pretending that I'm alright. Sharon asked me to stop writing just now. Sorry, I can't. I was recording down all my feelings. My feelings are overwhelming within me.

We went to 爱情海 名歌餐厅 after dinner. The sentimental songs made me feel worse. Luckily the singers didn't sing that well. I was kind of tamed down and felt calmer after listening to the songs presented.

On the way home, when I reached Jurong East Bus Interchange, I was asleep! And the bus driver had to wake me up! I was so pai seh... Maybe I listened to my MP3 and it was cosy so I fell asleep.

Anyway, time to sleep again. May tomorrow be a better day!

Good night blog!

We have faith. Faith is the ultimate source of courage. Let us bring the sun of courage to blaze in our hearts and use it to brighten our communities, our families and the lives of our fellow members.

It's an empty feeling...

Met, however nothing happened. Totally nothing. Why nothing happened?! Was in high-spirit, though being alone. Lonely? Yes, so what? Can't do anything with it, so be it. Happy that almost everyone and everything is fine. Anyway, just look forward. Still, feeling kinda empty deep within...

Hmm...

To have the courage to always keep pressing forward and be utterly committed to winning. To persevere right to the end, even in a pinch when the odds are stacked against you. To have the invincible spirit to press forward further still. When you give your all, victory is truly exhilarating.

Do You Meet the People You Do by Chance?

When I first read the picture book which inspired the movie, about a year ago, I laughed at it. Despite being a girl, it felt like an overly romantic lovey-dovey fairy-tale idea, even though it was credible. It was a happily ever after tale of two people seemingly destined for each other, who continually let chances of meeting slip by unwittingly. It was a tale of love not found, love found, love lost and love refound.

Ironically, months later, I met my significant other in a similar way. The "joke" was on me for real. He lives in the west and I live in the east. It's our version of "left and right." The movie guy and girl lived only next "door", and I had lived in the block next to him for more than 10 years, with windows almost facing each other directly, before moving to the other side of the country. We had definitely passed each other by, time and again, so close, yet so far away. We even went to the same school. Even our mothers knew each other! What's more? We could list common interest after common interest- it felt absolutely magical. I never had such a strong sense of "meant to be" and "made for each other" in my life- we had been unconsciously missing each other all our lives! The movie characters were separated for 13 years, and we were "separate" for more than 20 years. The movie characters exchanged phone numbers on scraps of papers, each having 4 digits smudged by the rain, leaving them a cruel lottery of trying to dial the right number among 10,000 possibilities. They had one chance in 10,000 to find each other... Recently, we did an online personality test- and the results revealed that he was a "rare" one statistically- 1 in 10,000! Some karmic "coincidence" indeed. Am I glad this "joke" happened? I have to thank karma it did. It is incredible how karma works in seeking people out, just as water from the mountain top surely seeks the sea. Life is full of surprises indeed, pleasant ones and painful ones. But how we choose to intepret them determines how we experience them. Are you braced for all kinds of surprises?

A line from the movie poem reads, "They'd be greatly astonished to learn that for a long time, chance had been playing with them." But no, chance does not play with us. We karmically deserve what we experience- even if we keep passing by those we later fall in love with. Do we meet the people we do by chance? No, there is a cause for everything. Even the results of rolling dice are not left to random chance. It all depends on conditioning factors, such as how and where they were thrown. Nothing is left to chance at all. Everyone who strikes the lottery deserves it. They must have planted the seed of generosity in this or a previous life, to deserve the fruit of abundance. Likewise, the truly loving will be loved truly. Before we lament our "bad luck" for our lack of love, before we take the precious people in our life for granted, let us remember that though we deserve we we have, they can change, for better or worse. Are you squandering your good karmic blessings? What new seeds should you sow?

"Beautiful is such a certainty, but uncertainty is more beautiful." was uttered in the poem. It was referring to so-called "chance" meetings and departures. Yes, a romantic idea indeed... the uncertainty of love, but isn't it suffering (Dukkha)? Uncertainty is Anicca (truth of constant change of mind and matter) and Anatta (truth of no enduring personality due to Anicca). In wanting to experience only the beautiful, we suffer, as we crave and cling to what we do not have, and refuse to let go what we have clung to, forgetting that everything and everyone changes. How then do we love people who change? How do we hold on without holding on too tightly? By accepting change, by making sure our love itself changes, for the better, that it sets those we love free- not by abandoning them when in need, but by helping them to grow spiritually, by letting them go too, if they wish to.

Extracted from: http://www.moonpointer.com/movies/turn.htm

What do you think? I'd say I believe in fate.

Faith is light. The hearts of those with strong faith are filled with light. A radiance envelops their lives. People with unshakable conviction in faith enjoy a happiness that is as luminous as the full moon on a dark night, as dazzling as the sun on a clear day.

I miss that voice...

9.24am

Some memories surfaced...

I remember I'd to wake someone up early in the morning by calling the mobile phone. That someone always have the problem of getting up early. Alarm clocks seemed useless. Morning calls seemed useful, to a certain extend. However, that was a short period. It didn't last.

I miss calling that someone... I miss hearing that sleepy voice early in the morn...

Imaginations perhaps.

Fame does not equal happiness, nor does it equal ability. Those who walk the supreme path of happiness known as faith are great artists of life. Compared to this distinction, fame and popularity are mere illusions; they are as fleeting as the images on a TV screen, which disappear when you turn off the set. There is absolutely no reason for you to let your happiness be governed by popularity and fame. Ordinary people are an example of those who have no fame but are the most noble of all.

Deuxième Entrée

I've been and will be living a routine lifestyle. It will continue, perhaps, for at least a few months. I doubt I've much to blog about my personal life for this period. Therefore, I've decided that I shall focus and blog on the materials I'd read, my thoughts etc.

Things get started with the poem Love at First Sight by Wislawa Szymborska. I love it very much! This is the first poem I like and have much feelings in. I believe in Chance, Destiny... and the instant when two pairs of eyes meet, a surge of sudden passion joining them and a sense of familiarity. However, how long would the passion in the two last is another story... Sometimes Chance just loves to play with them; turning the burning passion slowly to cold.

Eiji Yoshikawa (1892-1962), the renowned Japanese author of many epic historic novels, asserted, "Great character is forged through hardships." Surviving a life of hardships and difficulties, of stormy ups and downs, is what produces a person of great depth and character. True happiness is also found in such an unshakable state of life.

Love at First Sight

Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.

Because they didn't know each other earlier, they suppose that
nothing was happening between them.
What of the streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?

I'd like to ask them
whether they remember-- perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
an "excuse me" in a crowd
or a voice "wrong number" in the receiver.
But I know their answer:
no, they don't remember.

They'd be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
chance had been playing with them.

Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.

There were signs, signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.
Perhaps three years ago,
or last Tuesday
did a certain leaflet fly
from shoulder to shoulder?
There was something lost and picked up.
Who knows but what it was a ball
in the bushes of childhood.

There were doorknobs and bells
on which earlier
touch piled on touch.
Bags beside each other in the luggage room.
Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.

Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.

By Wislawa Szymborska
Translated from the Polish by Walter Whipple

The End and the Beginning, 1993

Personnalité

Aquarius


Your sign, dear Aquarius, is the eleventh of the zodiac and is considered to be the sign of perspective, the future, and new projects. The water bearer symbolizes intellectual development through communication and innovation. Of all signs, you are the most idealistic and humanitarian, with a strong sense of community and fraternity.

Your ruler Uranus, the planet of change and revolution, represents originality and a strong drive for adventure and freedom. Uranus is also called the rebel planet, and its energy is radical, sudden, and unpredictable.

Aquarius is the third of the three air signs, which means that your intellectuality is expressed as an intuitive grasp of universal principles, along with a concern for the universal well-being of humanity.

Aquarius rules the eleventh house of the chart, the sector associated with friends and groups, intellectual pleasures, socializing, and attitude toward society. However, it also describes personal hopes and wishes, as well as collective trends and humanitarian issues.

Yours is a fixed sign, which means that you resist manipulative behavior. You form your own opinion, however unusual it may be, and refuse to adapt. If someone dares to push, pull, or pressure you, they will definitely get to know your stubborn and eccentric side.

Your strengths definitely are that you are accepting and sympathetic to many points of view, and are equipped to understand each of them. This wide sphere of understanding causes you to be idiosyncratic. You are an unusually independent and wildly unique individual with a profound spiritual bent. Your intuition, loyalty, and resourcefulness make you a fun person to be around.

Naturally, you have some weaknesses, too, the most pronounced one being that you can be erratic in your actions. At times, you can be scattered and unrealistic, and confuse your own will with the greater will. Sometimes you can also be detached so that others see you as cold and inaccessible.

Ma Première Entrée

Happy New Year! This will be my first entry for this blog and for this year!

Actually I shouldn't be feeling so excited now, knowing that I'm quite depress lately. For some reasons definitely, but I shan't disclose anything to make anyone (if there is any) to worry.

The new year has arrived! We should start everything afresh! We should set new resolutions for 2006! But I ain't doing all these. I believe I won't like this year as much as I did for the past 20 years. It would be a boring year 'cos I'm in "prison"! Argh!

However, as a buddhist, I feel that somehow I've the responsibility to be positive and feel hopeful. Or else it seems like I'm not a true buddhist. I'm actually quite contradicting, having mixed feelings of hope, depress and contentment. I feel that I just can't get what I want and that is why I'm feeling so. Grr... Anyway...

To NRPSD: All the best for your tests!

Events: 1928 - Daisaku Ikeda, SGI president, is born.

"It is important to win in all endeavours. Winning is a joy. It is a source of benefit and happiness. A person who is easily defeated does not have the strength or capacity to make others happy. Please strive to become the kind of person who will strive and win amid the harsh realities of society, while always upholding and championing justice and making efforts to develop your character. Please become a strong person, a capable person."