Lowest point in my life...

8.00pm

Reaching the lowest point in my life. I don't know why...

I just hate crowds. Even until now, I still hate it.
Couples, families, groups of friends...
Smiling, laughing, making lots of noises...
Holding hands, sides by sides, all playing together...

Argh! I'm really sad and lonely... Why did I say that?! I was also with my friends! I hope I can shout just now while walking to Marina Square to meet Sharon and Cai Feng. But I can't. People will think that I'm mad. By the way, is my life that bleak?

Then why when Wan Xiang asked me yesterday what my struggles are, I answered no problem? Am I problem-free? I was quite happy then. I even gave bright, genuine smiles during the whole meeting. Maybe when I compare my problems with the others', mine seem so small like not a problem?

Things are so not in my way these days. What I want, what I desire are not achieved. Even when I look into the mirror, I feel that I look so disgusted! Almost nothing can please me these days.

I'm praying, almost everyday.
I'm cherishing hope, though things are not in my way.
I understand that in life there are ups and downs, and that Spring will definitely come after Winter.
The principle of cause and effect.
But why am I feeling unhappy or sad almost everyday?

I'm behaving properly.
I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.
I'm trying to be happy or at least don't feel sad...
But I know deep down within myself, I still feel sad.

I'm not happy with my life! I can just cry any moment if I want to. My tears are prepared to drop anytime under my command.

And this is the second time in my life that I feel like committing suicide. I know it's wrong. I shouldn't do that or even think of that. But I just can't help to stop myself from thinking that. Why not someone kill me instead?

I'm faking smiles, pretending that I'm alright. Sharon asked me to stop writing just now. Sorry, I can't. I was recording down all my feelings. My feelings are overwhelming within me.

We went to 爱情海 名歌餐厅 after dinner. The sentimental songs made me feel worse. Luckily the singers didn't sing that well. I was kind of tamed down and felt calmer after listening to the songs presented.

On the way home, when I reached Jurong East Bus Interchange, I was asleep! And the bus driver had to wake me up! I was so pai seh... Maybe I listened to my MP3 and it was cosy so I fell asleep.

Anyway, time to sleep again. May tomorrow be a better day!

Good night blog!

We have faith. Faith is the ultimate source of courage. Let us bring the sun of courage to blaze in our hearts and use it to brighten our communities, our families and the lives of our fellow members.