Why is my life so aimless now? I thought this year I can plan to attend some enrichment class if I get 8am - 5pm job. Too bad I didn't get. And it makes me so aimless now. No place to head to. I'm not setting any resolution for myself this year because of this.
I'm trying to analyse why I'm feeling so sad these days. There must be a reason for me to feel sad. So I'm trying to understand myself. It may sound funny to some, but don't be surprise that you are also a person who don't understand yourself well enough.
I guess partly is due to my job. That alone forms the main reason out of my findings. I find that I'm leading a life which I don't like now. Totally don't like, but is force to accept. No choice. I'm not a person who compromise easily, that is why I must find a reason to tame myself. Or else I'll keep thinking and thinking, tirelessly. I'll stress myself very much then.
And since I don't like my life now, I view everything as bleak, miserable, depressing... All the bad thinking comes... I'm an extreme person. It's either I'm in my happy/sad mood. No mixture. And when I'm happy, I get very happy, and vice versa. So I'm in a very miserable life condition now. However, I know that I'm trying to help myself. If not I won't write about my personal feelings in my blog for others to read. I won't feel like sharing at all. Not even a single thing.
Anyway, hope everything gets better and better each day...
In a passage of the "Record of the Orally Transmitted Teachings," the Daishonin observes, "When you bow to a mirror, the reflected image bows back" (Gosho Zenshu, p. 769). People who respect others are respected by others in turn. Those who are unstinting in their compassion and concern for others are also protected and supported by others. Our environment is essentially a reflection of ourselves.
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